Most of us have experienced an irritating situation that sticks around way too long. Our emotions keep resurfacing whenever we think about it, even when we try to think differently. When negative emotions keep coming back, it’s a sign to take some time to communicate with the part of you who’s in pain.
You can be with the part of you that is hurting in such a way that makes it easier to feel and release the pent up emotions.
It’s about feeling the emotion and feeling heard and held at the same time. We can do this for each other, but sometimes you don’t have someone you can turn to and you need to do it for yourself.
So how do you be with the part of you that is hurting?
Give yourself some time and space to mindfully be with yourself, just as you would with a friend or child that is hurting.
Notice where you feel the tension in your body and breathe into that area. You might feel tension in your stomach or solar plexus, or feel a knot in your throat, or your heart might feel heavy.
As you breathe and be with the tension, focus on where you feel the tension the strongest in your body. Imagine that bullseye point of tension as an aspect of yourself you can connect with and talk to.
Ask the tension a question such as, “If you could speak now, what would you say?” Or “Tell me, what are you feeling?”
It’s amazing how easily this question evokes a response. You might hear, “I feel really sad.” Or, something like, “I feel trapped and angry.”
Then you might hear your thoughts that have triggered the emotion. They will be familiar — it’s the story you keep telling yourself over and over again.
You can also elicit the thoughts that created the painful emotions by saying to this part of yourself, “Tell me more about that.” Or, “What do you feel sad about?” Write down what you hear, so that you get it out of your head or heart and can better respond to it.
Listen with self compassion. You have become a compassionate witness to the part of you that is hurting. This part of you feels your compassion and caring. It feels love.
As you become the loving presence that the part of you that is hurting longs for, your intuitive wisdom will offer guidance. You may hear whispers of wisdom that make total sense. You can feel the part of you that was hurting receive and absorb those words of wisdom.
At this point, you start to feel more integrated and calmer. You can now see the situation from another perspective that is easier and more balanced than reactive.
The reason this way of compassionately being with yourself is so effective is that the accumulated energy of your reactivity grows like a tumbleweed being blown around in a storm.
Such an inner storm needs your care and attention, rather than your judgment or denial, when negative emotions keep coming back.
It’s wonderful how responsive a part of you can be to compassionate communication, in the same way as you would respond to caring person, who’s there for you in your darkest moments.
So create a little time to be with yourself and communicate with the part of you that is hurting, right where you feel it in your body. Be loving. Be caring. And listen deeply and intuitively.
You’ll make progress and soon those negative emotions will stop coming back because you see your situation through clearer eyes. Then, you’ll know the best steps to take to move forward in your life.
Nicola Walker is an Anything is Possible mindset coach, with over 25 years of combined life coaching and hypnotherapy experience. She guides people at a turning point in life, to navigate and fulfill their dreams and deepest desires.
Nicola is the author of the forthcoming book, Joy in the Middle of the Mess: An Evolutionary Adventure on the Quest for Success. One of her greatest joys is to walk and hike in the hills and along the beautiful California beaches, near her home in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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